Wiccan Exploration - Mirrors, Smoke and Shadows

1 November 2002

Again a number of months have passed since the last entry.
Hey, I've seen that line before.

More Esbats and Sabbats have come and gone. I completed the class I started at the San Jose Book Shop. Next one is to start in January. I still have the spell, which was the final, which I wrote, to do. That is to say, I have all the times and the day and the herbs and incense on paper. Now all I have to do is do it.

With respect to the Gardnerian coven Samhain was interesting and enjoyable, as were all the esbats and sabbats between my last entry and this one. I also talked, very briefly, to the HPS about the possibility of starting work on Second Degree. She said not until after the Dark Time. Well, at least, I mentioned it finally. I'm not one for desiring time to pass but I'm looking forward to January, I think. Still much to learn, much to do. Part of my issues, um, the mental ones, revolve around my inability to do much extemporaneous speaking. Some of that has to do with a lack of experience, some with a lack of knowledge and some because I've never been anything even close to a good speaker.

Today's question is do I go to one or two other Samhain celebrations with two other groups. Must make one quick decision about tomorrow. Of course, I may have already waited too long on a decision about the second one.

Still totally not prepared for Yule. Well, okay, I have the materials. Now I just need the time and the willpower to push forward. The ability to excel in the area of crafts, like woodcraft and candle making, etc. would be a great aid also.

Haven't been to any more South Bay Circles open Sabbats. I'm paranoid. Invites stopped coming. However I have heard of some, um, disorganization issues. Just a matter of not getting everything together in a perfectly timed manner. Of course, my paranoia could be correct but I only think a few people were even really aware I was there. So, it might be a stretch to think that I've done something horrible. See, I'm a horribly nice, pleasant, stay in the background, don't-say-anything (unless I'm on-line) type of a guy. Well, okay I've put too many words together after drinking but I never drank at South Bay Circles. Hey, I haven't had more than 2 or 3 beers in years. I suppose I should qualify the "nice" noted above. I suppose that could simply mean I'm not purposely rude, I don't hit anyone, I'm not loud and obnoxious (or so I lead myself to believe), I don't try to impose my will to any great extent on others, basically a lot of things that I don't do. You may notice a lack of things I do do. I'm not a great comforter, not a particularly innovative and spontaneous individual, not always one to commit or be overly friendly. I will help in such activities as setting up a table or cleaning up or easy manual labor that requires little thought. Just didn't want to get any one's hopes up on my "nice" guy capabilities.

Still going to BAPA Gaia Gateways in Palo Alto. Missed one or two but I have volunteered my time to be a Director and am still working on the Membership database. I'm a bit behind on that but I will catch up.

In COTG, half the classes sort of died. I guess too many people had too many other time-demanding tasks. The runes class continued through all 24 of the Elder Futhark plus some info on spreads and stuff. Pretty quiet there now though. Herbs is a bit livelier. Speaking of which I have picked up a number of plants, including one wormwood, two orris root, two vervain, two white sage and more. My two mugwort plants are seemingly going great. Nights are getting colder so I must keep aware of the possibility of frost. Must keep aware. Also have some epazote which I transplanted from the raised beds to the ground. I thought it would die but it didn't but now I'm a bit worried about self-seeding possibilities. Also have some lemon verbena and lemon balm. A bit worrisome there about spreading too. Feverfew and comfrey are already spreading a bit. Must keep on top of these things. Actually what I really must do is progress into actually using the herbs and doing things with them.

Pagan Pride Day in San Francisco has come and gone. Music, vendors speakers and all were good. Attendance and donations, not so very good. We will certainly need more fundraisers. Plus the truck had a mishap with a tree, more expenses. Time is on my mind. How much do I have? Should I spend my time on organization or personal self-development?

I think most of my study time currently is on runes. I've obtained a couple of wood sets from Tara Hill . One is already done in yew. Another birch set I need to actually carve or wood burn out the runes and finish the wood.

I'm still trying to continue my reading on Greek Mythology which will hopefully then proceed into all the books I have on Norse, Celtic, Sumerian, Egyptian, etc. Must also, after getting a good or, at least, reasonable feeling about the runes, continue on with tarot. I need to get my mind around the major and minor arcana, the symbolism, the meaning, the divinatory ramifications (or whatever).

And there's still Theban, which I really should memorize.

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Gary S. Mattingly